You will need higher level strategies to convince her that it’s worth another turn, but these tips should help you
You’ve thought about it, paused, gone out with other women, and you realize that things will not get better without your ex. You made a huge mistake when you let her go .
And now, you want her to come back .
It is not necessarily too late to revive love with your ex, but do not erupt and do not make mediocre gestures. You want to do it right, and that means re-engaging with an abundance of caution and more confidence than ever before.
Here are 10 tips on how to approach her for the second round.
Reconnect with a message
Sometimes, absence makes the heart grow – but at other times it makes the heart look for another man. In the end, do not call first. ” Try to send a nice text, not a text that will make him think you’re looking for an ass plan ,” says Julie Spira, a relationship specialist. ” Think of something you shared together that could warm your heart. ” Example: I listened to the radio and I heard the Coldplay song. I brought back memories of the concert together. I hope you’re doing well. If she answers, she may be ready to relight the spark. And if she answers with an “Ew, WTF,” go to step two.
You’ve already wooed it once , but that does not mean you can go from zero to 60 without even driving. So, propose to get together and not to move in together. Adria, resident of Seattle, who took over her Trialix ex after a nasty break: ” He apologized unexpectedly after three months of no contact and was very respectful of me. He was in no hurry to get back together, which would have been a red flag for me. ”
So far, so good? Great. Suggest an occasional date by phone . No SMS. No emails. Make your voice heard and record a sincere effort on your part. ” See if she would like to join you at the opening of an art gallery, see a movie or a hike on a sunny day ,” says Spira. ” If that’s right, she’ll come back to her schedule . ” It will give you the opportunity to meet in a relaxed atmosphere, without much pressure. ” But remember that to accept your invitation is just a sign that she wants to get back together. If she refuses you, give her some space. ” Do not beseech her, do not cry, do not hunt her ,” Spira says. ”
Tell him you miss him
If she accepts your invitation, go easy on it. Ask her what she did, how is the job going, whether her dog is still pissing on the couch, anything. Then, if the date goes well and she seems to warm up (you know, read the signs), tell her you want her to come back. Vulnerability on your part could improve your chances of getting a second chance; do not just tear off the bandage from each old wound. ” Open your heart and see how it reacts,” says Spira. ” You do not have to talk about everything that went wrong in the relationship. She knows, you know, keep the conversation light. ”
If it seems open, recognize your shortcomings. If you did something hurtful, make a real apology, Frances said. ” It would be wise to consult a therapist to clarify what you did and why, and how to best solve the problem. ” Then, no matter what she did, you have to take responsibility – and change. If you were not ready to make an effort to get to know his friends before, tell him that you would be ready for a group drink. (Yes, that’s right, swallow your pride.)
Avoid dwelling on the past
Once you have recognized the problem, look to the future. ” Do not remember all the things you thought were wrong in the relationship, ” says Spira. Focus on the positive qualities that brought you together first, such as your crazy sense of humor, or how your laid-back personality complements his type A tendencies.
Use the group of friends
Even if you might want a fresh start, you should still draw on those old feelings of love. An easy way to recreate happy moments is to find yourself in a safe and familiar environment – like an outing with your group of mutual friends . Just make sure you can easily get away from the pack to talk. Alisha, of San Antonio, had this approach adopted by an ex-and it worked. ” We told stories, we joked and laughed together. It was comfortable, fun. Then my ex put me aside and asked me if we could try again. We talked a lot about our future, and I felt that things could really work. ”
Do not compare notes
Listen, forget that the relationship hiatus even existed. You continued your life while you were separated, but that does not mean you have to talk about what happened. ” She does not need to hear about the bad dates you’ve had, ” says Spira, “or your conquests. Would you like to hear about the guys who took your place? I did not mean it.
Take advantage of your romantic side
Although chivalrous acts are not the most important thing, they are important. The chocolates, the cards and the flowers (sent to his office so that all his colleagues can be green with envy) are clichés consecrated by the time for a reason: they work in some way. But here’s how to make it a legitimate, not an old-fashioned gesture: ” Write a love letter ,” Frances says. Tell him why you love him and what makes him so special. It’s normal to snatch lyrics or poetry. Send the letter with flowers. ” The good old yard works . ”
Buy a ring
Relax. This advice is not for everyone, of course. But if you’re absolutely positive about this girl, the ultimate daring move has been an unprecedented success, says Frances. And even if you are not ready for the ring? You can learn something here: you need to step up your efforts and have a plan for the relationship. No woman will rekindle a romance that does not advance …. at least a little bit.